More than Magic Emails and Messages

Ever wanted a peek at what goes on in the daily lives of the More than Magic gang when they aren’t busy slaying vampires or snowed into remote cabins? Now you can!
 
We’ve gotten a friendly MES hacker to break into their emails and text messages to see just what they do when nobody else is watching.

Warning, if you have not read the first MtM book, this might contain slight spoilers!


Check back frequently for updates!

August 20

To: d.pelagos@mes.***
Subject: Important Article for You
From: t.clark@mes.***

Drop what you’re doing and read this ASAP. http://deadspin.com/why-your-team-sucks-2013-detroit-lions-1108073618

———————————–

To: t.clark@mes.***
Subject: RE:Important Article for You
From: d.pelagos@mes.***

http://I-can-read-that-URL-you-ass-and-I-am-not-clicking-it/your-QB-resembles-a-muppet/we-have-won-every-game-this-season

———————————–

To: d.pelagos@mes.***
Subject: RE:Important Article for You
From: t.clark@mes.***

You mean the Lions have won the ONLY game they’ve played all season? I’m flabbergasted. Read it, you’ll laugh.

———————————–

To: t.clark@mes.***
Subject: RE:Important Article for You
From: d.pelagos@mes.***

No.

———————————–

To: d.pelagos@mes.***
Subject: RE:Important Article for You
From: t.clark@mes.***

Your loss. Which is funny, because that is what your team does.

Are you on the night shift tonight? TS and I are ordering Chinese soon. You have five minutes to give me your order.

———————————–

To: d.pelagos@mes.***
Subject: It’s been six minutes
From: t.clark@mes.***

Too late. We ordered already.

———————————–

To: t.clark@mes.***
Subject: RE:It’s been six minutes
From: d.pelagos@mes.***

YOU ARE ACROSS THE HALL FROM ME WALK YOUR LAZY/CUTE ASS OVER HERE AND ASK WHAT I WANT

———————————–

To: d.pelagos@mes.***
Subject: RE:It’s been six minutes
From: t.clark@mes.***

I might have accidentally ordered sweet & sour chicken. $50 if you want it.

———————————–

To: t.clark@mes.***
Subject: RE:It’s been six minutes
From: d.pelagos@mes.***

That’s not the price of sweet and sour chicken. Unless you ordered a truck full of it.

If I read your stupid article do I get it for free?

———————————–

To: d.pelagos@mes.***
Subject: RE:It’s been six minutes
From: t.clark@mes.***

Yes. Also, are you the one listening to Talking Heads? Turn that up please.

~~~~~~~~~

August 24

To: d.pelagos@mes.***
Subject: What did you do?
From: char.smith@mes.***

?

———————————–

To: char.smith@mes.***
Subject: RE:What did you do?
From: d.pelagos@mes.***

Well crap.

1) The other night I stayed up gaming until 4, but told you I came to bed at 1.

2) I did not, in fact, remember to put gas in your car yesterday, so I siphoned it out of mine this morning.

3) I said I was on the phone with my mother last night, but I was talking to Pike the entire time.

4) I accidentally taught Ember a new word. We were driving by the harbor the other day and they had this sign about a docking contest and I couldn’t stop laughing and she wasn’t buying any of my excuses, and she has that damn smart phone. Why did you get her a smart phone? I think this one is your fault, really. And what sort of a contest is that anyway? You pull a boat up to a pier and tie it off. How can anyone turn that into a competition of any sort?!

5) I didn’t do that essay. I meant to. I’ll do it tonight.

6) I snapped a string on your guitar while I was tuning it, but I replaced it. And tuned it.

7) I haven’t started ANY of the chores I said I was going to do this morning. As you can see, I’m checking my email. But I still have nearly 5 hours before I have to go to work.

Have I mentioned recently I love you? A lot? Do you want lamb for dinner? You were craving giouvetsi right? I can pop over to Michigan and get a lamb from my mother and cook you the spiciest giouvetsi ever! In fact, you get off an hour before I start tonight, right? I can have dinner on the table when you get home!

Δ

———————————–

To: d.pelagos@mes.***
Subject: RE:What did you do?
From: char.smith@mes.***

1. I can see the clock you know. I know what time it was.
2. I wondered why the tank wasn’t full. I hope you left yourself enough to actually get to the gas station. Have you even done that yet? Go do that.
3. I figured. You looked happy and you were laughing.
4. You mean there are still inappropriate things you HAVEN’T taught her? I’m stunned. But I can’t be upset at this one, I would have laughed too. And I don’t think I would have realized it was referring to boats. Because, well, water and all.
5) Well, you’ll regret it if you fail.
6) That’s fine. Thanks for tuning it.
7) Whatever, I’m off tomorrow I can do them. Except the sheets, please wash those.

I have never said I was craving giouvetsi. But I swear you cook lamb better than any fire elemental ever could. Doesn’t that take forever to make though? And I don’t think you can successfully swim across the lake with a live lamb. But if you can find a nice big chunk of cedar somewhere (and maybe dessert?) I might consider forgetting all about this email.

Also, none of that was what I was asking about. I spoke to Tom earlier and every couple of minutes something beeps. And it’s driving him insane.

I love you too, but sometimes you make me wonder why – C

———————————–

To: char.smith@mes.***
Subject: RE:What did you do?
From: d.pelagos@mes.***

Well crap then. Forget I said any of that at all. None of it happened!

Has he found it yet?

———————————–

To: d.pelagos@mes.***
Subject: RE:What did you do?
From: char.smith@mes.***

I knew it was you. What is it? WHERE is it?

———————————–

To: char.smith@mes.***
Subject: RE:What did you do?
From: d.pelagos@mes.***

It’s called an “Annoy-o-tron” it’s a little quarter sized thing that beeps every few minutes.

If I tell you where it is, are you going to tell him?

———————————–

To: d.pelagos@mes.***
Subject: RE:What did you do?
From: char.smith@mes.***

That will depend on what you bake for dessert.

———————————–

To: char.smith@mes.***
Subject: RE:What did you do?
From: d.pelagos@mes.***

It’s on the underside of one of the drawers in his desk.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To: d.pelagos@mes.***
Subject: (no subject)
From: t.clark@mes.***

IF YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR THE BEEPING I AM GOING TO JAM IT DOWN YOUR THROAT SO TH

———————————–

To: t.clark@mes.***
Subject: RE:(no subject)
From: d.pelagos@mes.***

Gooo on.

———————————–

To: d.pelagos@mes.***
Subject: (no subject)
From: t.clark@mes.***

I hit send too soon because I am distracted BY THE HORRIBLE BEEPING! I AM GOING TO FIND THE SOURCE OF THE BEEPING AND IF IT SMELLS LIKE YOU IT’S GOING DOWN YOUR THROAT SO THAT YOU BEEP UNTIL THE BATTERY DIES

———————————–

To: t.clark@mes.***
Subject: RE:(no subject)
From: d.pelagos@mes.***

Oh. That’s not at all where I was hoping you were going with that.

———————————–

To: d.pelagos@mes.***
Subject: RE:(no subject)
From: t.clark@mes.***

Something tells me you are not taking the beeping seriously. Big mistake. TS is marking every corner in your office as we speak.

———————————–

To: t.clark@mes.***
Subject: RE:(no subject)
From: d.pelagos@mes.***

Let him. The smell will be gone long before the beeping stops. Incidentally, I have nothing to do with that. I’m not even sure what you’re talking about, as I’m not in the office today. Have you pried up any ceiling tiles yet?

~~~~~~
To: char.smith@mes.***
Subject: Don’t wait up
From: t.clark@mes.***

He’s not coming home tonight. He’s dead and buried in the woods behind the office.

———————————–

To: t.clark@mes.***
Subject: RE:Don’t wait up
From: char.smith@mes.***

What a pity. What did he do?

———————————–

To: char.smith@mes.***
Subject: RE:Don’t wait up
From: t.clark@mes.***

Don’t play cute with me, Smith. You know what I’m talking about.

———————————–

To: char.smith@mes.***
Subject: RE:Don’t wait up
From: t.clark@mes.***

WAIT OH MY GOD YOU KNOW WHERE IT IS DON’T YOU?!?!?!?!?

———————————–

To: t.clark@mes.***
Subject: RE:Don’t wait up
From: char.smith@mes.***

Where what is?

———————————–

To: char.smith@mes.***
Subject: RE:Don’t wait up
From: t.clark@mes.***

Please tell me. I’ll do anything. Just tell me where the beeping sound is coming from.

———————————–

To: t.clark@mes.***
Subject: RE:Don’t wait up
From: char.smith@mes.***

Please define “anything”. I want to be clear on this.

———————————–

To: char.smith@mes.***
Subject: RE:Don’t wait up
From: t.clark@mes.***

Filing? Paperwork? Errands? ANYTHING FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, CHAR!!! WHERE IS IT???????

~~~~~~~


To: t.clark@mes.***
Subject: RE:Don’t wait up
From: char.smith@mes.***

You know that wing place that makes you sign a waiver to get their hottest flavor? That flavor. 30 wings, dry rub, with fries and a chocolate milkshake.

———————————–

To: char.smith@mes.***
Subject: RE:Don’t wait up
From: t.clark@mes.***

YOU DO KNOW! I KNEW YOU KNEW! WHERE IS IT?!?!?!?!? TELL ME!

———————————–

To: t.clark@mes.***
Subject: RE:Don’t wait up
From: char.smith@mes.***

Dear Mr. Clark,

I apologize if the terms of our agreement were unclear to you. In order to release the information you are requesting, I will require the following:

Thirty (30) wings, to be dry rubbed with the flavor that requires a signed waiver.
One (1) side order of french fries
One (1) large milkshake, chocolate

When these items are on my desk, I will give you:

The source of the beeping.

Thank you for your cooperation.

Sincerely,

Agent Char S. Smith

———————————–

To: char.smith@mes.***
Subject: RE:Don’t wait up
From: t.clark@mes.***

Are you freaking kidding me? It beeps EVERY COUPLE OF MINUTES!! DO YOU REALIZE THAT?!?!? I can’t wait for your food to be delivered! I’m going to go insane before then! I am seriously starting to consider ripping up the carpet to see if it’s under there!

———————————–

To: t.clark@mes.***
Subject: RE:Don’t wait up
From: char.smith@mes.***

Then I’m afraid we won’t be able to do business.

I would also like to point out that you can order online and just forward me the order confirmation email.

———————————–

To: char.smith@mes.***
Subject: RE:Don’t wait up
From: t.clark@mes.***

FINE

~~~~~

To: char.smith@mes.***
Subject: RE:Don’t wait up
From: t.clark@mes.***

Wait. Who is that shake for? You don’t drink milkshakes. You don’t drink anything. Is it for HIM?!? There is no way I’m ordering something for HM! I’m amending our agreement. You get 45 wings, fries, and NO milkshake.

———————————–

To: t.clark@mes.***
Subject: RE:Don’t wait up
From: char.smith@mes.***

The terms of our arrangement are non-negotiable. Also, as I recall, he’s dead and buried in the woods. So, clearly, the milkshake is not for him.

That being said, I would like to call your attention to two matters:

One: In this agreement you are giving up the cost of a tasty dinner, in exchange for finding the source of the beeping. I am gaining food in exchange for not only revealing the source of the beeping, but also putting myself at risk to become the next target, potentially giving up any sex I may have gotten in the near future, and you get to escape when you go home. I am stuck with him. The milkshake is required.

Two: The more time you spend haggling, the more times the source of your frustration will beep.

Also, I haven’t had the dubious pleasure of hearing it yet. What does it sound like?

———————————–

To: char.smith@mes.***
Subject: RE:Don’t wait up
From: t.clark@mes.***

You make a compelling argument. I have forwarded the delivery confirmation.

It’s a beep. A short, high-pitched beep. It’s so short I can’t pinpoint where the hell it’s coming from. And I’m pretty sure it BEEPS AT RANDOM INTERVALS. I CANNOT FIND IT.

Now. WHERE IS IT????????

———————————–

To: t.clark@mes.***
Subject: RE:Don’t wait up
From: char.smith@mes.***

Thank you.

It’s in your computer.

———————————–

To: char.smith@mes.***
Subject: RE:Don’t wait up
From: t.clark@mes.***

NO IT’S NOT! I’ve already turned it off. The beeping doesn’t stop. Don’t you dare tell me it’s on the computer!

———————————–

To: t.clark@mes.***
Subject: RE:Don’t wait up
From: char.smith@mes.***

No, no. IN. I mean physically INSIDE of your computer. It’s a tiny battery powered device IN your computer, under the plastic case, nestled in among the wires and whatever else is in a computer.

———————————–

To: char.smith@mes.***
Subject: RE:Don’t wait up
From: t.clark@mes.***

ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME

~~~~~~~~~~

To: d.pelagos@mes.***
Subject: (no subject)
From: char.smith@mes.***

You haven’t dropped in to say goodbye, so I assume you’re STILL here. I hear that the job last night was a disaster. Did you get ANY sleep? How are you doing?

C

———————————–

To: char.smith@mes.***
Subject: RE:(no subject)
From: d.pelagos@mes.***

Yeah, I’m here. Disaster is an understatement. It was one giant SNAFU from start to finish. What’s sleep? I hope you got a decent amount without my elbow in your face all night.

I’ve been better. But, whatever, I’ve been a hell of a lot worse. I’ve just got a lot of crap to do. Thinking I’ll finish off this one report, go home and take a nice long shower and a nap, and then come in tomorrow to finish up.

———————————–

To: d.pelagos@mes.***
Subject: RE:(no subject)
From: char.smith@mes.***

Actually, it’s usually your bony knee that jabs me in the night, not your elbow. But if you ever elbow me in the face, you will spend the rest of the night in the bathtub.

Before you go, there’s a milkshake on my desk with your name on it. And I have a funny story for you.

On a totally unrelated note, please (surreptitiously) poke your head into Tom’s office on your way by and let me know if he is dismantling his computer in search of the beeping yet.

———————————–

To: char.smith@mes.***
Subject: RE:(no subject)
From: d.pelagos@mes.***

Oh my god he is. Are you the cause of that?! I love you. I will be right down.

~~~~~~~~~~~

August 30

To: t.clark@mes.***
Subject: (no subject)
From: d.pelagos@mes.***

Hey hey hey. Were you watching last night? Did you know the Giants LOST. BUT THE LIONS WON! How does it feel?

In other news. Did you know the Lions are 3-1 for the preseason? What are the Giants? Oh. Oh, are they 1-3? Is that what I am seeing? I must be mistaken. Surely the Lions aren’t playing better than the Giants.

———-————————-

To: d.pelagos@mes.***
Subject: RE:(no subject)
From: t.clark@mes.***

Hey, that’s almost as good as their 2008 preseason! How many regular season games did the Lions win that year? I can’t remember.

———————————–

To: t.clark@mes.***
Subject: RE:(no subject)
From: d.pelagos@mes.***

Yeah, well. You suck. So there.

~~~~~~~~~~~

September 3

To: d.pelagos@mes.***
Subject: Kalimera!
From: amphitritepelagos@****.com

Kalimera, Nikolaos! How are you this morning? Did you have a good Holiday weekend? Did you have to work? I know sometimes you work holidays. I can never remember your schedule. I hope it was a good weekend. Brook had to work at the hospital and your brother was working, so I got to babysity Catalina! You wouldn’t believe how big she’s getting! When are you coming to visit? Will you bring Charlie and Ember this time? I feel like you never bring them with you! I’m only just across the lake!

And how is Charlie? Did he have to work yesterday? I suppose he would have had to if any of the companies he facilitates were open. Do let me know when he can come visit. When are you getting married? Have you asked him yet? Or is he supposed to ask you? Is there some sort of protocol for that? Goodness, it must be confusing with two men. Maybe you should ask because you’re taller? Then again, he’s older. Or is it Brook who is older than Pike? I can never keep all of you in a row.

Maybe I would remember if I saw you at all! Do you realize it’s been nearly an entire month since you last visited!? Come and visit your mother, Niko-aki mou!

But don’t wear those awful pants. Last time you were wearing these horrible jeans that were all full of holes! I know I taught you how to sew. And you must have kept your uniform in order. I can’t imagine you were allowed to walk around in the Legion with your pants all full of holes. Do you need me to buy you new pants? You always complain that the pants I buy are too short. But you simply must throw those ratty jeans away. Thank goodness they aren’t as bad as those awful jeans your brother used to wear in the 80s. Or was it the 90s when his clothes were all full of holes? I hated those years, I wanted to throw all of his clothes away. So, can I buy you some new jeans? Or do you need money? I can give you money for some. I think those pants are beyond repair. I do wish you would throw them out instead of wearing them.

My friend Cindy has a brother who is gay. Have I told you about Cindy? She’s in my aerobics class. Lovely non-magic girl! She’s 28, and has an adorable little boy around Catalina’s age. After aerobics on Thursdays we go for coffee together. I think she would be lovely in the bookclub. I might invite her to come with me. You know I go to bookclub every Friday night, did you know that? Anyway Cindy has a brother who is gay and she says that he has remarkable fashion sense! And Cindy says that apparently that’s a thing with gay men. did you know that? So, I must ask, why are you going around with great, awful holes in your pants? Shouldn’t you know better, dear?

Oh goodness, it’s nearly 10:30! I’ve got to run! Tuesday morning yoga! There’s a young man in my yoga class I believe is gay. He’s always dressed to impress. You could learn something from him. Or at least consult with Charlie. I always like his clothes as well. He’s got a good head on his shoulders. But I’m sure you know that. Send him my love. And Ember as well.

And come visit! This weekend maybe? What are you doing this weekend?

S’agapo pedhaki mou!

————-

To: amphitritepelagos@****.com
Subject: RE:Kalimera!
From: d.pelagos@mes.***

It’s Danio. You know, the name I’ve been going by for…let me see……..over 50 years? I’m doing good. I didn’t ‘work’, but I was on-call yesterday. But yeah it was a good weekend. Actually, I think I would believe how big Cat is, because I just saw her like two weeks ago. You’re just across the lake, Ma. The operative word is LAKE. I can’t exactly bring Char and Ember through the lake now, can I? Either you get me visiting frequently on my own, or you have to wait longer. We either have to fly there or drive through Ohio. And why would anyone in their right mind want to drive through Ohio?

Charlie’s fine. He was on call yesterday too. We spent most of it playing video games. What? Are you serious with that? What is wrong with you? Also, I’m older than Char. And Brook is older than Pike, who in turn is older than me. So, I’m younger than both Pike and Brook, but older than Char. Which makes both of them older than him and me, but I am not younger than him. Do you need a flowchart?

And it hasn’t been a month since I visited. It’s been less than 3 weeks. I was just there. Wearing awful pants apparently. Are you talking about my comfy jeans? There are like…3 holes and a couple of worn spots. They are neither ratty nor horribly nor awful. You live in the middle of nowhere. I think I’m allowed to sit around on my mother’s dock, in the middle of nowhere, in comfortable jeans. Especially considering my brother was sitting with me in his nasty, paint-covered sweat pants. Did you see those pants? Shouldn’t you be more concerned by all of the chemicals your eldest son is potentially absorbing by leaving paint on his pants, rather than the fact my knee sticks out of mine? It’s not like the holes are anywhere indecent. And mine were clean. I am perfectly capable of buying pants. Those are the only pair I have with holes in them.

Of course I know Cindy. And Karen and Anna and Ashley and whoever the hell you’re always talking about. You’ve probably told me about all of your friends from wherever a million times. It’s just a bunch of non-magic women with varying degrees of interesting and not-so-interesting lives isn’t it? I do also know about your bookclub and all of your books. I feel like I’ve already read them. And I repeat: WHAT. Oh my god, Ma. I can’t even begin to answer that. Are you serious?

Have fun at Yoga. How does one ‘dress to impress’ while doing yoga? Do his matching yoga tights and shirt coordinate with his yoga mat? I think I’ll decline his fashion tips. I will take my holey jeans over yoga tights, thank you. I do in fact consult with Charlie. I don’t shop with him though. He takes a million years to shop. And you know, he has a pair of comfy pants that are full of holes too. He just has the sense to not wear them in front of you.

Love you too Ma

Maybe I’ll visit this weekend. If I’m off.

~~~~~~~~~~~

To: d.pelagos@mes.***
Subject: BbGEDC#
From: ppelagos@***.edu

Is there a reason I’m getting harassed about my pants? I spent the last 3 weeks hearing about how you’re too lazy to fix yours and suddenly a pair of pants I haven’t worn since YOU visited has become the BC#AFEvG.

I suspect this was your doing.

A^EEvFG? -A-A C#BGBF BbEC^D mou. DB—GAAEb now! Watch your step, Niko. Watch your step.

——————————

To: ppelagos@***.edu
Subject: RE:BbGEDC#
From: d.pelagos@mes.***

No idea what you’re talking about. What pants? Do you even wear pants? AA—E. GG#F DD-A your wife. B–BDA-vA EvvB^BbG?

——————————

To: d.pelagos@mes.***
Subject: RE:BbGEDC#
From: ppelagos@***.edu

Oh you would, would you? A-EC# Fine, tell Brook. I’ll tell Ma what’s in your old room.

——————————

To: ppelagos@***.edu
Subject: RE:BbGEDC#
From: d.pelagos@mes.***

C-C#B? What’s in my old room? Is that supposed to be a threat?

——————————

To: d.pelagos@mes.***
Subject: RE:BbGEDC#
From: ppelagos@***.edu

If I recall correctly you’ve got a very conspicuous, neatly organized and alphabetized stack of sheet music books, so perfect that Ma would never dream of touching it when she goes on a cleaning frenzy. It’s so nice and neat she won’t even look at it.

What might I find if I open those? Is it sheet music, little AG-Ab? Is there sheet music in those books? Maybe when I’m home this weekend I’ll just…bump into them and knock them down. And let mom clean them up and see what she finds.

——————————

To: ppelagos@***.edu
Subject: RE:BbGEDC#
From: d.pelagos@mes.***

CRAP

~~~~~~~

September 5

–itsmeemberp has logged in–
itsmeemberp: hey hows work?
dpelagos: Good. Are you in class?
itsmeemberp: nope not yet
itsmeemberp: can u transfer some money 2 my paypal account?
dpelagos: sure. How much? $100?
itsmeemberp: ummm a little more?
dpelagos: $150?
itsmeemberp: i was thinking like 400
dpelagos: DOLLARS? For what?!
itsmeemberp: stuff
dpelagos: You are going to have to do WAY better than that.
itsmeemberp: ok ok
itsmeemberp: shoes
dpelagos: Good lord. How many pairs of shoes are you buying???
dpelagos: well?
dpelagos: Ember?
itsmeemberp: 1
dpelagos: Holy crap.
dpelagos: What are they, super shoes that never need to be replaced ever again?
dpelagos: Did they belong to somebody famous?
dpelagos: Are they Dorothy’s ruby slippers?
dpelagos: Have they walked on the moon?
itsmeemberp: no. they’re just cool shoes
dpelagos: Then no.
itsmeemberp: pleeeeeeeeeeasssssssssssssseeeeee??????????????
dpelagos: You are asking the wrong person for money for shoes.
itsmeemberp: come on please?
dpelagos: WHY are they $400? What’s so special about them?
itsmeemberp: well theyre boots
dpelagos: Oh $400 BOOTS. That makes all the difference in the world
dpelagos: wait should I be concerned?
dpelagos: Are you going to pay me back in one dollar bills?
itsmeemberp: NO
itsmeemberp: ew no
dpelagos: Either way. No.
itsmeemberp: but they’re custom steampunk boots! They’re sooooo cool!
itsmeemberp: please?!?!?
itsmeemberp: click here and look at them!!!!
itsmeemberp: well?
itsmeemberp: what do you think?
itsmeemberp: ??????
dpelagos: I think you’re a brat.
dpelagos: They are pretty cool looking.
itsmeemberp: right?!
dpelagos: Fine.
dpelagos: Don’t say I don’t spoil you.
itsmeemberp: YAY THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU I LOVE YOU
dpelagos: yeah yeah. If Char asks, you didn’t get it from me.


~~~~~~~~

September 14

To: t.clark@mes.***
Subject: Football at my place?
From: d.pelagos@mes.***

What do you want to do for the games tomorrow? Sucks that they’re starting around the same time.
———————–

To: d.pelagos@mes.***
Subject: RE:Football at my place?
From: t.clark@mes.***

Well the only game worth watching starts at 4:25. I figure by then the Lions will be down by at least 50, so we’ll just switch over.

Your place works. Can we convince Charlie to make that really good dip?
———————–

To: t.clark@mes.***
Subject: RE:Football at my place?
From: d.pelagos@mes.***

You talk big for someone whose team lost last week. And we’re playing the Cardinals. They’re terrible. If anything the Lions will be up by 50.

Yes, Charlie will be making gallons of that stuff.
———————-

To: d.pelags@mes.***
Subject: RE:Football at my place?
From: t.clark@mes.***

You talk big for someone whose team as a knack for winning a couple of games and then self-destructing spectacularly.
~~~~~~

September 21

To: d.pelagos@mes.***
Subject: Go Notre Dame!!!!
From: t.clark@mes.***

I hope you were watching. First the Lions lost and now MSU. You must be having a bad week.
————-

To: t.clark@mes.***
Subject: More like Notre Damn
From: d.pelagos@mes.***

First of all, I’m in a meeting. You are going to pay for being the first person to tell me that MSU lost. And if you are joking, you will pay…harder? More? Yeah, you’ll pay more.

Second, the Lions lost LAST week. We are playing tomorrow you know. That is not last week.

And third, I wouldn’t be talking after my team lost FORTY ONE TO TWENTY THREE. That was brutal Manning on Manning action. Fratricide, I tell you. Did your team even show up?

I would also like take this time to mention that I have Peyton in one of my fantasy leagues and am destroying everyone.
————–

To: d.pelagos@mes.***
Subject: Don’t change my subject line
From: t.clark@mes.***

I am not joking. 17-13. Should you be checking your email in a meeting? And it doesn’t matter. They’ll lose tomorrow too.

The Giants however, will be winning tomorrow. I refuse to recognize whatever score you are referring to. And if you ever say the words ‘Manning on Manning’ action again, I will hit you.

God. What league is that, you must be crushing it. Who has him in our league? I don’t remember anyone drafting him.
—————

To: t.clark@mes.***
Subject: I will call my emails what I want
From: d.pelagos@mes.***

Lame. First loss though this year. It’s a boring meeting, I was playing solitaire anyway. And it’s the Skins tomorrow. The Lions have to win.

Do you have a problem with a little Manning on Manning action? Ew. I pictured it. I hate you. They’re both so ugly.

Legion league. I won last week by almost 100 points. I have Welker too. In Week 1 I started off 93 to 0 and went on to annihilate a guy who has won every fantasy game against me for years. We play for money in that one, so it’s even more pleasing. Jon has Peyton in our league, doesn’t he?

Also, I am not going to make it to football watching tomorrow. Pike scored Red Wings vs. Blackhawks tickets, so I’m swimming home for that. Probably count Charlie out too, cause he’s weird and doesn’t really watch football unless I am.

~~~~~~~~~~~

October 30

From: t.clark@mes.***
To: d.pelagos@mes.***
Subject: What are you planning?

???
_______________

From: d.pelagos@mes.***
To: t.clark@mes.***
Subject: RE:What are you planning?

Huh?
_______________

From: t.clark@mes.***
To: d.pelagos@mes.***
Subject: RE:What are you planning?

For tomorrow.
_______________

From: d.pelagos@mes.***
To: t.clark@mes.***
Subject: RE:What are you planning?

I figured I’d get in around 10 and stay til 8 or so. Maybe order some lunch. Then I will probably watch a horror movie or something when I get home.
_______________

From: t.clark@mes.***
To: d.pelagos@mes.***
Subject: RE:What are you planning?

I meant what are you wearing? I need to prepare myself for your nonsense.
_______________

From: d.pelagos@mes.***
To: t.clark@mes.***
Subject: RE:What are you planning?

Oh, you mean a costume? I was just going to wear my work clothes.
_______________

From: t.clark@mes.***
To: d.pelagos@mes.***
Subject: RE:What are you planning?

You’re lying and I know it.
_______________

From: d.pelagos@mes.***
To: t.clark@mes.***
Subject: RE:What are you planning?

Actually, I’m still trying to think of something. I outdid myself last year with my Abe Lincoln: Vampire Hunter costume.
_______________

From: t.clark@mes.***
To: d.pelagos@mes.***
Subject: RE:What are you planning?

Friendly warning: If you think you can fall back on Edward, I will put you through a wall.
_______________

From: d.pelagos@mes.***
To: t.clark@mes.***
Subject: RE:What are you planning?

Nah, the glitter was a bitch to remove. I’m pretty sure I’m STILL finding it places.
_______________

From: t.clark@mes.***
To: d.pelagos@mes.***
Subject: RE:What are you planning?

Whoa. That’s waaaaay more than I wanted to know.
_______________

From: d.pelagos@mes.***
To: t.clark@mes.***
Subject: RE:What are you planning?

I meant in my house. Like in the carpet and in the dryer. What are YOU thinking about, hmm?
_______________

From: t.clark@mes.***
To: d.pelagos@mes.***
Subject: RE:What are you planning?

Hate you. So much.

~~~~~~

November 23

*dpelagos has logged in*
dpelagos: what about RAKE the leaves did you not understand?!
itsmeemberp: I did rake them
dpelagos: you set them on fire
itsmeemberp: I raked them into piles first
dpelagos: the entire house smells like burning leaves
dpelagos: and also poo
dpelagos: I’m pretty sure you incinerated dog poo
itsmeemberp: but the yard is leaf free
itsmeemberp: and you never specified NOT to set them on fire
dpelagos: it was implied
itsmeemberp: are you SURE it smells like burning leaves and dog poo?
dpelagos: Yes.
dpelagps: I have a nose you know. It’s not as good as a werewolf’s nose, but it serves me well.
dpelagos: Wait. What is THAT smell!?!?!
dpelagos: is that cookies?! Are you baking cookies?!
itsmeemberp: Maybe.
dpelagos: I am coming downstairs. If there are no cookies when I get there, I will be furious.
*dpelagos has logged out*


~~~~~~
November 27
To: d.pelagos@mes.***
Subject: Thanksgiving
From: amphitritepelagos@****.com

Why aren’t you answering your phone, Nikolaos?!?!?! How many times do I have to tell you to answer your phone when your mother calls you?! Or at least send me back a text message! How am I supposed to know if you’re alright if you never answer your phone!? What if something happens to you? Am I supposed to sit here and fret about whether or not my son is alright because he isn’t answering his phone?!

Are you driving? Have you left yet? Don’t answer your phone if you are driving!!!!!!! Please have someone ELSE text me to let me know you are okay!

Do be safe, you know traffic is always worse on Thanksgiving. I can’t wait to see you! You are bringing Charlie and Ember, right? Do you have any idea how furious I will be if they aren’t with you?

How many blankets do you think they will want? I never know how cold fire elementals get. And you’re sure they won’t need any towels, right? Does Ember need a towel to dry her hair?

Can I trouble you to stop by the store before you get here, if you aren’t too tired? I need potatoes. Twenty pounds or so should do. Thank you, Niko-aki mou.

Is there a football game tomorrow, or will my sons actually spend Thanksgiving with their family this year? Your brother has been screwing around with this massive awful television set he bought, all morning. I’ve never seen something so large. I think this means you will be watching football tomorrow? I wish you wouldn’t. At least leave Ember out of it. Forcing the poor girl to watch football every year. She can’t possibly enjoy listening to you and your brother screaming at the television for hours. You know the people playing football can’t actually hear you, right?

And the language! You need to watch your filthy mouth, young man. Your English improved so much while you were enlisted, but I feel as though half of the new vocabulary you learned was vulgar. You know, I have never once heard Charlie curse. You could learn a thing or two from him. I have half a mind to start slapping you upside the head every time I hear you curse!

Is there anything special you want me to make for Thanksgiving? I have the entire menu planned out, but I am open to suggestions.

Oh! Your brother is back. He’s been chopping firewood for hours. I told him that you would help him tomorrow, but he insisted that he wanted the fresh air. It’s a lovely day here. Just a bit of ice on the lake, but nothing you can’t swim under and avoid.

Drive safely! I love you! Hope to see you soon!
——————–
*Text Msg From: Niko/Danio*

~ wtf ma

~ im driving

~ do u expect me 2 read all that crap NOW?

~ i will c u soon

~ if i dont crash the car & kill us all reading ur long ass email

~ 20 POUNDS of potatoes?! how many ppl r u cooking 4?! what is wrong w u???

~~~~~~~~~~~

January 26

*tclark has logged on*
tclark: Hey hey, is the name Nikolas Stauskas Greek?
dpelagos: what?
dpelagos: no
tclark: really? isn’t that your name?
dpelagos: Oh my god. it is
dpelagos: I’ve been spelling stauskas p-e-l-a-g-o-s for 80 years.
dpelagos: I am so stupid!
tclark: I meant your first name
tclark: idiot
dpelagos: no.
dpelagos: it’s nikolaos with an o
tclark: you mean 2 os?
dpelagos: asshole
tclark: and is that an omicron or an omega?
dpelagos: wtf
dpelagos: where did this even come from? who is that?
tclark: oh nobody special.
tclark: he scored some tie-breaking hoop in some basketball game today.
dpelagos: don’t watch. don’t care.
tclark: oh that’s good.
tclark: he plays for some university
tclark: the something wolverines, I believe
tclark: and they beat some other school today
dpelagos: no
dpelagos: I swear to god tom
dpelagos: don’t even
dpelagos: MSU is #3
dpelagos: mich is like 50
tclark: #21 actually
tclark: I don’t follow basketball, will they go up now that they’ve crushed the #3 team?
dpelagos: no they didn’t
dpelagos: don’t lie to me
tclark: I thought you didn’t watch nor care
dpelagos: I would watch curling if it was MSU vs Mich
tclark: probably for the best you didn’t watch this one then
dpelagos: googled it.
dpelagos: HATE YOU



March 16, 2014  — Our fantastic source at MES has managed to hack cell phones!

 
March 18

March 19

 
March 23

April 1, 2014

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s

Blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑

%d bloggers like this: